Understanding Anxiety Through Internal Family Systems (IFS)

"Healing doesn't begin when we stop feeling anxious. It begins when we become curious about the part of us that has been carrying so much for so long."— Kevin McCarroll

A compassionate approach to understanding anxiety from an English-speaking counsellor in Palma, Mallorca.

Anxiety often feels as though it has a mind of its own. One moment you feel calm, and the next your thoughts are racing through endless "what if?" scenarios. You may find yourself overthinking conversations, worrying about the future, or feeling constantly on edge without fully understanding why.

For many people living in Mallorca, this can feel particularly confusing. You may have created the life you hoped for, yet still struggle with anxiety, relationship difficulties, loneliness, or a lingering sense that something isn't quite right. Living abroad brings wonderful opportunities, but it can also stir deeper questions about belonging, identity, and emotional security.

In my counselling practice in Palma, I often meet people who believe they need to get rid of their anxiety. They have tried distracting themselves, staying busy, or thinking more positively, only to find that the anxiety keeps returning.

Internal Family Systems (IFS) offers a different perspective. Instead of seeing anxiety as an enemy, it invites us to understand it as a part of ourselves that is trying to protect us. That simple shift—from resistance to curiosity—can begin to transform the way we relate to ourselves.

Anxiety Is Trying to Protect You

One of the central ideas of IFS is that we all have different aspects of our personality. You have probably experienced this yourself. Part of you wants to slow down, while another part pushes you to keep going. Part of you wants closeness, while another pulls away. This doesn't mean something is wrong with you—it simply reflects the complexity of being human.

IFS suggests that anxiety is often created by protective parts that believe they must keep us safe. Some become constantly alert, preparing for everything that could go wrong. Others try to help us escape uncomfortable feelings through distraction, overworking, avoiding difficult situations, or other coping strategies.

Beneath these protective parts are often more vulnerable feelings—fear, sadness, shame, or experiences from earlier in life that still need care and understanding.

Rather than trying to silence anxiety, IFS encourages us to ask a different question:

"What is this anxious part trying to protect?"

In the Therapy Room

One of the things I've learned over years of therapeutic work is that anxiety almost always makes sense once we understand its story.

Many people discover that beneath their anxiety lies a part of themselves that has spent years trying to prevent rejection, avoid failure, or protect them from emotional pain. When these parts are met with curiosity instead of criticism, something begins to soften.

Not because the anxiety has been forced to disappear, but because it finally feels heard.

A Different Relationship with Anxiety

At the heart of Internal Family Systems is the belief that beneath all our anxious and protective parts is our Self—the calm, compassionate, and grounded core of who we are.

Imagine comforting a frightened child. You wouldn't tell them to "stop worrying." You would listen, stay present, and help them feel safe. IFS invites us to develop that same compassionate relationship with ourselves.

This doesn't mean anxiety disappears overnight. Instead, we gradually stop fighting it and begin listening to what it has been trying to tell us all along.

A Moment to Reflect

Perhaps pause for a moment.

Think of a recent time when anxiety showed up in your life.

Instead of asking, "How do I get rid of this?" gently ask yourself:

"What might this anxious part be trying to protect?"

You don't need an immediate answer.

Sometimes the simple act of becoming curious is where healing begins.

A Final Reflection

Anxiety is rarely the problem.

More often, it is the messenger.

When we stop treating it as an enemy and begin listening with curiosity and compassion, we often discover that it has been trying to protect something deeply important within us.

If this article resonates with you and you'd like to explore your own experience of anxiety in a safe and supportive space, I offer English-speaking counselling in Palma, Mallorca, as well as online therapy. You're warmly invited to book a free 20-minute consultation, where we can explore what has brought you to therapy and how we might work together.

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